Dec 16th, 2020
In this episode we're going to talk about one of my core values, having the courage to be disliked. Transcript below.
- Core value at Sell Your Service
- What is the best advice that I could give someone?
- Have the courage to be disliked
- From the book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
- Adlerian psychology and teleology
- You will, in everything you do, attract people who dislike you and what you do
- That’s an inescapable fact
- From an early age we’re conditioned to seek others approval
- But freedom and happiness are directly linked to
- Letting other people have their opinions
- Realising that we can’t control other people’s opinions and feelings
- Living to our own expectations of ourselves
- You are not living to satisfy other people’s expectations
- You have your tasks
- Others have their tasks
- Other people are not living to satisfy your expectations
- You have your tasks
- Others have their tasks
- Seeking the approval of others will always lead to unhappiness
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Have the courage to be disliked
Hey funnel builders. How are you doing Mike here from sell your service? Welcome to another episode of this cellular service podcast or the cellular service show. As I suppose it's cooled. Thanks for bearing with me last week, uh, came down with something, not entirely sure what we just didn't have the time and the resources to put an episode in place.
So I'm coming back, swinging, coming back strong. And today I want to talk about one of our core principles at cellular service. And indeed. One of my core principles, one of my core values. Having the courage to be disliked. So when you read one of my emails or when you hear one of my, uh, podcasts or watch one of my videos, I typically try to sign off.
With a little signature, which says have courage commit and take action. Now it's quite kind of tight that it's very short. That's the little thing that I like to sign off with, but those are actually three of our core values at sell your service. I've talked in previous episodes about core values. If you want to go back and.
Uh, listen to those. I was a little while back early this year that I talked about having core values and defining the values of your business. It's a fascinating exercise because. It essentially. Puts into perspective, what's important in your business and how do you make decisions? Where are you going? Why do you want to go there? There's a lot of stuff wrapped up in it. I think we have.
The perception and perhaps even the correct perception that a lot of corporate values from bigger companies are, you know, bullshit. They're kind of hollow that they don't really mean anything. But sell your service. Our values are extremely important. First of all, because they allow me to make better decisions.
Like if I have to come down between a choice. Typically the values that I have, the values we have at the company are what helped me make that decision. Even if I am unsure about it, I say, well, this is what the business stands for. It also helps my team. Make better decisions. One of them being, have the courage to be disliked. If we come across.
Content of mine that has gotten negative reactions and believe me, it's out there. Then we have to keep it up. If we come across a piece of content or sales letter and we think, Oh, we don't know, this might offend people or upset people. We put it out there. If someone in my team wants to make a decision, I think Mike might not like this. It's actually more likely that they should go for it.
And leave free the fear that because I'll dislike it, that that will somehow affect their job. And we can talk about, you know, their performance and things. So. Having the courage to be disliked is extremely important. Not only to my personal way of living, but to the business as well. And also what I try to teach to funnel builders and listeners like yourself.
The other two values, by the way. So we've got, have the courage to be disliked. The middle one is take action, which is to say, take action and change it later. You know? Published beats. Perfect. Uh, getting it done. Uh, 60% is better than like in a draft post at 99%. And the other one is commit, commit to the result until you see results.
Means you don't finish a marathon until you finished running 26.2 miles. You've got to see it right through to the end. And another way of phrasing that is if you're not going to do something a thousand times, don't do it once. And these came from a question that I was asked a long time ago. What would be the best advice that I could give someone?
Let's say I came across a younger version of myself or a teenager or a young person looking to get started in business. And they asked what would be the best advice that you could give someone what would be the rules or things that you would teach them. And the number one thing that came to mind for me was.
You have to have the courage to be disliked and that's very uncomfortable. Because it's essentially saying. Saying. Get ready to have people, not like you for who you are and not even for a good reason. It's saying. Have the courage to stand up. Keep living your life and accept the fact that not everyone is going to like it.
Now that title. Is taken from a book called the courage to be disliked by a chiro Kashima. And Koger I'll actually be reading a little extract. There's just to kind of clarify it. The book itself and also have the courage to be happy or the courage to find happiness. Uh, uh, kind of two books based around the concept of Adlerian psychology. Alfred Adler was a contempt.
Uh, A contemporary, sorry of Freud. Whereas Freud believed that your past determines how you live, which called, uh, etiology. Adler believed that we are goal orientated animals that we live for the future that the past doesn't exist. The past is. Uh, It doesn't exist anymore. There's nothing we can do about it to change it. It is entirely down to the meaning that we attribute to those past events. And if we decide to attraction, no meaning to them, that means we can live entirely how we want going forward. There's a lot around.
With Adler, you know, Refusing to be a victim, even if bad things have happened to you. Because if you refuse to be a victim, you decide what that event meant to you. Whereas Freud often goes back to saying things like, well, this happened in your childhood. This happened when you were younger. Therefore you act like this now.
ATLA flat out refuses that and something else, which Adler refutes is the need for approval. That's a. A fundamental misunderstanding of how human beings work. And we actually don't need approval from others. So. Going after the concept of Adlerian psychology and the, the concept of teleology. The book comes down to.
The courage to be disliked, having the courage to be disliked leads to ultimately freedom. That's actually kind of the point of the book is. Happiness is one thing, but learning to be free is another having freedom is another, even inside. Prisons. Wrongful arrests. Uh, dictatorships. You know, trapped in certain relationships, you are free determining.
On your level of courage to be disliked. So let's start at a high level. The reason this is one of our values and the reason that this is a piece of advice that I'd give to people, especially. Especially those running businesses, but in actual fact, all human beings. Is that. You will, in everything you do attract people who dislike you and what you do.
Unfortunately, that is an inescapable fact. There's nothing you can do about it whatsoever. Have you ever. Have you ever not liked someone? And the example I use is like school. When you're a teenager, you just, you just don't, you just don't get on with people and I still get it. Now, everyone does that. You meet someone or you come across something by someone you think I just don't like this person. I don't know what it is. I can't put my finger on it. And then you see them out.
And they're just like eating some crisps or some chips or whatever. And you're like, yeah, look at them over there. Eating that bag of crisps. Like I own the place. And you just can't help, but attach.
You know, A dislike to them, not even a strong dislike.
That's an inescapable fact of the world. No matter what you do. By whoever's standards. You will attract the dislike and disapproval. Of people around you. For what you do for who you are for what you stand for things that happened in your past for your goals. It actually doesn't matter. And this is the first, most important point.
It's actually got nothing to do with you. It's got nothing to do with you. It's entirely a reflection of that person. One of the kind of rules or mantras that I try to have when reading comments is that everything that anyone writes is a reflection of themselves, not have you. So any of the comments that I get, the emails that I get.
And this is not just me. I'm just, I'm just trying to use me as an example. Anything that you get, if you have someone pissed off, we've all been there, you know, where. You've just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone snaps at you and they get angry at you or someone leaves a negative comment.
That is a reflection of themselves. Not of you. But that is attracting dislike. And the problem comes when we take that to heart. And we think. I am worth less as a person. Therefore I'm less valuable as a person because this one person doesn't like me. Perhaps I need to change what I do or most likely what most people do is they just reduce their activity entirely.
I believe the reason deep down that most people don't create more content, put themselves out there, share their views, um, you know, create something and put it out there is because they know that they will attract dislike. I don't think it's a new concept that people realize. Well, You know, if I'd go out there, people aren't gonna like me. I actually think that everyone knows that inherently deep down.
And for some perverse reason, we think, well, the solution to that is therefore don't stick your head above the parapet. If that doesn't translate, it means don't be the tallest poppy. You know, don't stick your neck out. Don't stand out because if you stand out, you'll attract, dislike. As kids, you know, and especially as teenagers, it certainly stays with us willing to adult hood.
We're terrified of standing out. We're terrified. Of being, um, pointed out from the crowd for being different or weird or unique. Yeah. Back when I was at school, the worst thing you could be was gay. Um, and I don't know if that's true now, you know, that would be the The slur that would be thrown around.
And now of course, as an adult, you look back and you go, what the fuck do you care if I'm gay? Like, why would that be offensive? Why do you care? I think. But that's purely because when you are slightly different, whether you are gay or not, whether you win, you're slightly different. You attract dislike. And the problem is that we then try to say, well, I would rather not be disliked than liked. So I'd actually rather.
Reduce my activity and reduce the amount that I stand out in order to lessen the amount of dislike that I get rather than being who I am and trying to find more people who do like me, because for every person that doesn't like, you, they're going to be more who like you, it's just the way that it works, you know?
Unless you're running an election, maybe. I don't know. Um, I believe it's probably about 50 50. I think that if every human being in the world knew who you were, 10% would love you. 10% would hate you. And 80% would just be apathetic. ABC percent would just wouldn't care. And when, when, when we kind of go into adult hood, the reason that people don't take a risk and try something and create something.
Is. Less around failure. I think. Yeah. People worry about failure. And that certainly leads to a fear of being disliked, because why would anyone want to hang around with a failure? And if you're listening to this podcast, you're essentially listening to a guy who is a nonstop failure and I'm proud of it. I'm, I'm happy with the fact that.
Every day. We're finding new things in our business to improve its it's basically being a failure every single day until, um, we are failing at some massive tasks. I'd rather fail it, some huge task and fail at some small tasks. But anyway, off track. Apologize. It's the fear of getting something wrong and failing that will attract dislike. But actually I think the majority of us.
Worry that just having it out there at all. YouTube videos, content, podcasts, books. You create something, whatever, if you put the effort in, someone will dislike it. No matter what. I remember. Live, I don't think we'll, she'll get annoyed that I've told this story, but fine. She has a picture downstairs that she drew when she was very little, like, I dunno.
Six or something like ch like an actual child. And it's of some flowers of some daisies on some black paper. And I absolutely love it. I think it's done with chalk or crown and I adore it. For a few reasons, partly because of the story that's around it. And we've all had an experience like this. We've all. Even if you're not able to name an experience like this, you understand the situation. The teacher had a go at her because she didn't draw or paint, whatever the flower exactly. As it was.
There was no pink in the flower, but Liv decided, well, I want some pink in it. So she drew some pink in it. That is. Perfect example. Of a school and an institutional system set up. Telling you be creative, but be creative in the way that we are telling you to be creative. And I was like, how does that make sense?
And if that's one person being told that one time. Can you imagine how widespread that is? It's just not having to go at teachers. I believe that most teachers are. In fact, they understand that children need to make mistakes and consistently need to get things wrong and do things differently. But ultimately it comes down to the approval of others. If we put something out there, a YouTube video, someone doesn't like it, they say something negative. We think, Oh, I'm not moving in the right direction.
Positive praise, which again, I actually is. This goes two ways, by the way, I think you should have the courage to be disliked. I honestly think you should have the courage to not get any approval back whatsoever. I think if you're doing a good job, if you want to do a good job. It's up to you to determine whether you are doing a good job. Now, this is.
Way too big a conversation to have on a, on a dumb little podcast about marketing and sales.
But the courage to be disliked, I think is, is more fundamental than.
D being able to live without approval at all. I know I have people shouting at things like positive reinforcement. I completely understand that I really do, but, um, this is just, you know, This is, this is the courage to be disliked. I don't want to touch on. Positive reinforcement and stuff. Cause again, I actually think it personally, I think it fosters.
The wrong long-term process. But anyway, The courage to be disliked means. Doing whatever you're going to do. And not worrying. Whether someone likes it or not, it is about finding your own path. And even if everyone you meet. Tells you, this is the wrong thing to do. You understanding this is not only right for you, but you believe that this is right in general.
Maybe you don't believe it has to. Everyone has to do it fine, but you do believe it's right for you. And that's what you want to put out there. Because first of all, who the fuck is anyone else to tell you? How to live your life. I'm paraphrasing, paraphrasing there. The book by the way, which you should read is obviously far more eloquent.
I'm actually gonna read an extract and a little bit, but from a very early age, we are conditioned. The other people's approval is important that other people know best, and we should be trying to live up to their expectations. We should be live, trying to live up. Uh, to their lifestyle. In order to get approval from them. We're taught that from a very early age.
You know, um, and again, I don't have kids. Uh, but I do know people with children who also take the concept of having the courage to be disliked to heart with their children. And I can understand that. Yeah, of course you do know best when it comes to a lot of things for your kid. I really do understand that. Yeah.
Glass doesn't taste good. The fire is hot. However, there are a lot of tasks. Which as children, our parents take over for us. They take over and they control it. In order to control. Where we go within our life, partly because they are afraid. Of being seen as a bad parent, they are afraid. Of being seen as, as disliked.
Which is, which is crazy. Cause, and that's when it becomes a bit cyclical. Freedom and happiness are directly linked. To letting other people have their opinions. As hurtful as they sound as. Angry as they are. Even if they appear to be attacking you.
Letting other people have their opinions. Is one of the most freeing. Mindsets and activities you can have it's it feels incredible when you're able to. Turn around to someone and they say, I don't know. And whatever it could be anything. And that's kind of the point, right? Everything that is opinion-based to things that other people would argue as fact.
And it's very interesting. What other people continue, can consider opinion. Some people consider facts, you know, and we're seeing a lot of this at the moment. But letting other people have their opinions. Great. If you feel that that is true, that it's important that. I don't swear on my YouTube channel. It's important that I change my style or my branding, because you think it's too.
Sales-y and direct marketing and should be more consultant based, whatever fine. To let other people have their opinions is a basically you agreeing with them that they have those opinions. To give you an example. Uh, on one of the posts that I had is about capitalism and the way that capitalism, I think, is a force ultimately for good, rather than evil.
Um, and I get a lot of flack on that. I kind of pull of people saying, you know, capitalism is evil. You know, all the way through to light, you should kill yourself. I can agree with them. Because I'm not agreeing with them saying I should kill myself. I'm agreeing with the fact that I say, yeah, that is your opinion. I completely agree with you that that is your opinion. I, 100% agree.
That you believe and feel that. And when you begin to agree with people like that, it takes all their power away from them. You guys don't wanna agree with him there. They're wrong. Well, so one.
So what ultimately, how does that affect you?
Other people can have your opinions. Other people's opinions or none of your business, I'm going to go one step further, other people's opinions about you or none of your business.
Whether you like it or not. You've got opinions on people, which aren't entirely true. We human beings are complex, deep. Basically gray areas, no such thing. As black and white, we are layers upon layers upon layers. Donkey said it best in Shrek. Or is it Shrek said it best in Shrek. He's an onion.
You know, we have layers. We have ultimately opinions on people, but there's tons of stuff in my life that I'm not proud of this tons of stuff in my life that I am proud of. You yourself probably have a pretty, and I'll be, I'll be honest, a pretty mediocre opinion of yourself. We all do.
But that's the point is we all have this mediocre opinion of ourselves. But other people have got opinions of you. You've got opinions of other people. Deep down. There's no such thing as again, this is kind of going off topic and there's lot of things. There's no such thing as actual evil. There's no such thing as, as someone who is evil for the sake of evil.
Uh, I forget the phrase. Is it evil? Has no desire. It's not a thing. People aren't evil for the sake of it. Right. We are layered individuals and good people are led individuals as well. So, if you can give and cut a little bit of Slack to the people who have said atrocious, awful hurtful things to you.
And you go, do you know what they're allowed their opinion of me? Because remember everything anyone says is a reflection of themselves. Not of you.
You just happened to be there when they're saying it, people already don't like you, they just don't know who you are.
So when you let other people have their opinions and truly think great. Fill your boots. You are more than welcome to feel that.
It takes all the power away. And then you begin to realize that you can't control other people's opinions and feelings. You actually can't control them. Now in stoicism, there are three levels to this. There is things you can control things. Do you have some control over and things? You have no control over whether the sun rises or falls. I've got no control over that. Whether my computer works or not, I have some control over that, how I act and how I feel. I have 100% in total control over that.
If I was too. I don't know.
I cheat on my wife, Olivia. Sleep with someone else. We watched new girl yesterday where one of the characters cheated on someone cheat with someone else. And then obviously a Tyler about it and she gets upset. It would be ludicrous of me to say, well, you're in control of your feelings. You decide how you feel about that. Obviously, I have some control over that.
Some guy on YouTube. Who decides or comments customers. I get emails, both positive and negative. Like I said, positive and negative.
I have some modicum of control over the content that I put out, but that is still control over what I put out. I cannot control. How people react to it. I can't control what they're right. I can't control what they say, trying to control other people's opinions and feelings. We actually kind of, this is it's one of the most selfish things you can do for a start. It's also when people say, Oh, I didn't want to tell you, in case you got upset or offended,
It's like, well, perhaps you could actually treat me like an adult and allow me to decide how I would feel about something. Um, You'll find that a lot of people tend to try and take control and they do it in the guise of kindness. They say I'm being kind. And actually it's not, it's it's pure selfishness. When you try to control other people's opinions and feelings.
And you can't do that. You can only live your life the best way that you can. There's stuff that you would have done as a teenager, that to you is perfectly normal and your parents would have gone. That is absolute insanity. I'm not having that in my house. That's absolute disgraceful. I can't believe you would want to do that.
All the way down to. If your parents push you into, I don't know. Medicine or law or whatever. And you decide actually, no, I don't want to do that. I want to go do something else. They are. Upset about that. There. Again, sometimes upset about that offended. They'll say, well, I've poured all this time and energy and effort. They have spent their entire life trying to control where you go.
And therefore you are Tylee trying to live up to their expectations and approval. Standing up and saying, actually I want to go into direct sales or direct response marketing and run my own business. That is the courage to stand up and be disliked. By your own parents, which again is very, very difficult.
But living to our own expectations of ourselves is the only standard which we should be living too. No one else is you should only be living to your own expectations of yourself.
If your expectations of what you can do are entirely within the control of someone else, you will never, ever reach them. We ever had a friend or a family member, like no matter what you did, they always found something wrong with it. Maybe a partner or a spouse or whatever. No matter what you did.
If you tried to make them happy, if you tried to do what they did or wanted you to do, they were never happy or at least not for long. That's trying to live up to someone else's expectations. And do you even know then. That there are times when you do live up to their expectations, when you actually objectively meet those tasks and they're still not happy.
Because ultimately. You're not in control of how they feel.
And this comes down to a point which is summarized beautifully. You are not living to satisfy other people's expectations. That's not the purpose of human life. The purpose of you being alive today is not to satisfy other people's expectation. I want to read an extract here from the, uh, from the book.
The courage to be disliked. What the book is, is a dialogue. Between a philosopher and a young person. So it's kind of like a conversation. It reads. There's not a huge amount of, um, Like context or, uh, what do they call it in the movies? Like. Exposition. It is just, it's a conversation between two people. So I'm going to start by being the youth, right. That's the young person. Okay. So.
This is in the chapter, by the way, called the objective of education is self-reliant. So youth. In Adlerian psychology. There is a way of thinking called separation of tasks. Right? All sorts of things and events in life are a guarded from the viewpoint of whose task is this and divided into one's own tasks and other people's tasks.
Say for example, that my boss doesn't like me naturally. It doesn't feel good. It would be normal to make some effort to be liked and approved by him somehow. But Adler judges that to be wrong. What kind of judgment do other people in this case? My boss. I pass on my speech and my conduct and on me as a person.
That is the boss's task. Other people's tasks. And is not something I control. No matter how much I try to be liked by him. My boss might just continue to dislike me. On this point, Atlas says you are not living to satisfy other people's expectations and further other people are not living to satisfy your expectations.
Don't be afraid of other people looking at you don't pay attention to other people's judgment and don't seek recognition from other people. Just choose the path that is best for you and that you believe in. Furthermore, you must not intervene in other people's tasks and you must not allow others to intervene in your tasks either.
To those who are new to Adlerian psychology. This is a concept that has great impact. And the rest of that is you might've picked up on that phrase, the separation of tasks. This is because. Your feelings, your emotions, what you do, the path you decide, the work, you do, the people you hang out with, the love that you give to the world, that the input you do that give, uh, and, and the activities and everything.
Are your tasks. Other people's opinions. Are there tasks, other people's lifestyle is their task. You would not dream. Of interfering actually. What am I fucking saying? We all do it. Of interfering in someone else's life, a complete stranger and saying. You're doing this wrong, but actual fact, we do this all the time. I get it all the time I do with time.
You know, we say, Oh, well, what they should've done. You know, it's got nothing to do with us. It's got nothing to do with us. You have your tasks and the way that a task is defined. Is ultimately who benefits from it?
I'm going to choose to deliberately controversial one, because it really upsets people, especially my mother, by the way. She absolutely loads when I bring this up. You can imagine how difficult, uh, Christmas dinners and Sunday lunches. Homework. Set by a school. Okay, regardless of how you feel about school, certainly how I feel about school.
The the, the task of homework is given to the child.
The child has to do that homework in order to get better grades in order to learn, you know, And to take it the step forward. If they don't learn, if they don't do the homework, if they don't do whatever, they'll get a bad grade. And presumably they will fail a class and there'll be repercussions further on.
So therefore who behooves it in order to do. The task in order to do the homework who would benefit from it the most. And it's the child, of course. The problem, however, is that as parents. And again, I don't have children, so I apologize. I'm only speaking from experience of being the child. Frankly.
We want to intervene with that task. We say, well, I will do it with them. And I will do the homework in order to make sure they get a good grade. And you might say that's insane, but we know it happens. We know it happens.
This is kind of, again, part of the problem is. Failure is part of that journey, right? Not doing it as part of that journey. You can't judge someone on whether they're a good person or not deciding based on whether they fail at home work or fail at education.
But a lot of parents will take over that task. We've all had managers like that. Right. Essentially micro managers who take over a task from us, even though it actually benefits us. If we're the one who does, does it.
Now that is essentially controlling other people's feelings and emotions is actually controlling other people in general and taking over their tasks. It makes you as the person who takes over the task unhappy. It makes the person who, whose task you're taking over unhappy. And ultimately it doesn't benefit anyone. You do all that work. You don't physically get any benefit from it.
If you do the kids' homework, you don't get any benefit from it. Except perhaps the approval of other parents or other people saying, Oh, your child is very, very bright because they got a great grade. And the child doesn't benefit because ultimately they don't learn anything. Or get anything from it.
Which is interesting because the title of that particular chapter is the goal of education is self-reliance. I've got a big, big project coming out soon about the difference between education in school. It's not having to go at schools. It's not having to go institution. Well, It's not, it's not going to go a teachers at least.
Um, But you have your tasks. And the problem. Is when we begin to blur those tasks. If you put some content out, that's your task. Someone else's task is deciding how they feel about it. It's got nothing to do with you. If they want to write something negative or hurtful or push something out, they're fine.
But that is up to them. That is their task. Because similarly, you can't get annoyed at someone for expressing their opinion because just as you are not living to satisfy other people's expectations. Other people are not living to satisfy your expectations. They have their tasks. You have your tasks. It's actually not up to you.
To decide how to, how someone else should live their life. And that's a really difficult question. It's a really difficult point because we see things which we know on a scientific level. On actual evidence-based level that someone is doing wrong. But it's actually not up to us as individuals to tell that person how to live.
And this is why a lot of people don't like this philosophy because they now go, well, this just pure anarchy van, everything devolves and people continue driving cars and eating meat and whatever. But the cold hard reality is that it is actually none of your business, how someone else lives their life. And the more you can make peace with that.
The happier and the more free you will be, you will achieve more. By building a community of people who believe what you believe rather than trying to go after those who don't believe what you believe.
And again, it's, it's too much for one podcast. If you found this interesting. I highly recommend reading the book. It, uh, it's absolutely changed my life, which is the courage to be disliked by a chiro Kashima and from Latakia Koger. It's about Adlerian psychology and teleology. The. Kind of wrap beginning to wrap up here.
Having the courage to be disliked, I would say is probably the most fundamental piece of advice I could give to a human being yet alone. A. You know, business owner or an entrepreneur. You will attract dislike. You will have staff who don't like, how you do things. You will have customers who don't like how you do things, but it is up to you how you feel and it's up to them, how they feel.
If you're running a business. You might say, well, I've got to take into account other people's feelings and expectations. You don't. I'm not saying that you should never take into account other people's feelings. What I'm saying is you can't control what other people's feelings are.
And there's a big difference there, by the way of, of taking that in, in the guise of a sociopath and going well, you know, I don't care what other people think and feel that's completely different. Having empathy and sympathy is extremely important to understand. Yeah. I understand why you would feel that way. Like I said, going back to one of those earlier points.
Letting other people have their opinions and agreeing with them. Yes. You would be up to you are upset. I can see that you're upset. I can also understand why you would be upset.
Saying you don't care about other people's feelings and knowing that you can't control other people's feelings are two very different things. And when we begin to understand that their feelings are their tasks, we actually stopped trying to control it. And we find that people become less upset with us.
Someone wants to tell me I'm a capitalist pig. And one of the reasons that the world is going to hell and I should kill myself fine. That's entirely up to them to take it personally would be ludicrous. Why? Because everything, anyone says it's a reflection of themselves. It's their task, how they feel if they want to be so angry.
And so hurt and looking for reasons to be angry and upset. Then, of course my content is gonna gonna stand out. But it's up to me, how I feel about their content as well. It's a funny thing, controlling someone's emotions because we often hear people say, Oh, that offended me. The thing that you said offended me, right? You have offended me. You have upset me and they'll blame an exterior exterior person or an external reason for feeling bad.
Let's go. Okay. So I have caused you to feel bad. Yes. Well, in that case, can I cause you to feel good if in one sentence or in one 10 minute video, whatever I can make you feel awful. Surely I can tell you to feel happy and they go, no, no, it doesn't work like that. Right, right. So you, you are in control of when you feel happy, but other people are in control of when you feel bad, it'd be ludicrous. If someone, uh,
You know, we, we would never even think of saying, Oh, this person has gone out of their way to make me feel happy.
It won't. No, because people don't want to have control over that. And yet when we do have people who do something, which is nice and kind, and wonderful and fun, and we, we feel happy because of it. We like it. But I guarantee that same person doesn't attribute them going, Oh, this person's gone out of their way to make me feel happy in the same way that they go. This person's gone out of their way to make me feel offended.
You can't have it both ways, either someone is in continual control of your emotions and all of your emotions, not just the negative ones or your in control of your emotions. The correct statement should be that has offended me. But it's got nothing to do with me. That's not my cup of tea. Or even better understand the offense is frankly, a fleeting emotion and not worth dwelling on too much. And you should continue living your life.
And ignoring things that you feel. Would be offensive. Guys, thank you so much for spending a ton of what that was 40 minutes with me, half an hour, 40 minutes talking about have the courage to be disliked. Head over to sell your service pod.com and go ahead and follow us as well. We're on pod bean. You can also find a stolen things like Stitcher and iTunes and Apple podcasts. Google podcasts, leave a review if you can, as well. That really helps us out. Shoot me an email. Michael is sell your service.co.uk. If you got this far.
The meantime, guys, thank you so much. I'll be back next week. When we're getting closer and closer to Christmas of 2020, and yeah. Have courage and take action.