Dec 2nd, 2020
In the episode we're going to talk about anxiety, fears and motivation.
This is a re-upload of two previous YouTube videos where I've taken the audio out. Transcription below.
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Hey there funnel builders, Mike here from sell your service. Welcome to another episode of the sell your service show. In this episode, we're going to be talking about how I deal with anxiety and how other people deal with anxiety as well as. Two biggest anxieties or fears that i have and on the other end of the spectrum we're going to be talking about how the best stay motivated and why i think motivation is overrated this is actually a re upload of a couple of different youtube videos that i've uploaded so i put these two together i hope you enjoy the audio that i've taken from these and i'll catch up with you at the end of the show
I don't believe that anxiety is a real thing. Bear with me. Uh, I'm not saying that people are like pretending or wishing out, but I think anxiety is given is a title that we give to a way of bundling up a worry that we have about what people are going to think about us. And even though I think that, and even though I basically know that to be true, I have two massive anxieties or two massive fears that I really struggle with.
And I figured I would share them with you and share how I cope with those overriding anxieties that have prevented me from doing a lot of stuff in the past and come up almost every single day.
So I subscribed to the philosophy of teleology, which basically States that we are driven by goals, not by the events in our past, which is to say that no matter how traumatic your past was, or no matter what happened in the past, you still have a massive level of control over what you do.
Well, you have total control over what you do every single day and the things that you want, the goals that you're trying to achieve. That's what drives your actions rather than what's ever happened in the past. If you had a really bad childhood or really great childhood, however, There's no discernible link towards the outcome of the person you will be.
There's also, in my opinion, not really an excuse is to say, I act like this because of what happened to me in the past. I don't really want to get into the details of it, but for someone to say, well, you're more, less likely to be a criminal or engaged in criminal activity. If you've had this happen in the past.
I think a lot of that data is. Uh, shaky at best. And also we have a lot of strong evidence to suggest that if someone wants to act like a bad person, they're almost certainly not doing it because they are a bad person. It's because they want to push back people away. Yes. I understand that there are links between what happens in the past, but it's the meaning that you attribute to that.
And the more we can enable self-reliance on people, which is why education is so important, they can attribute different meanings to different activities. Again, I don't really want to get into my past, but there's certainly stuff that's happened to me and happened to all of us that we will be able to say from now on, I don't want to do this, or I do want to do this because of what happened in my past.
And I don't believe any of that's true, but there are of course, things that we have to deal with. And I have two pretty big anxieties, myself, two big fears that often prevent me from taking action, taking the action that I know I should take, or at least. Come up every single day. And it's something that I have to be like, Whoa, am I stopping myself from doing this?
Because I'm worried about this. These two things are my skin and also a little bit to do with physical strength and not being taken seriously. So the number one fear apparently in the world is public speaking, right? People say, they'd rather bathe with snakes, skydive, you know, jump off a cliff or whatever, instead of public speaking.
And typically that's because we're worried about what people think of us. We're worried that people will make fun of us. We're worried that people judge us and say that we are, we're a bad person. Ultimately we're worried about the judgment of being disliked, which is fair enough. You know, it's, it's a pretty common, uh, human problem.
And I suppose mine also boils down to that. Growing up. I had really terrible acne and still now I get really bad spots, you know, I'm 33 now and I still have face creams and spots and stuff. And we've, I've been on extremely strong, powerful medication. And people say, it's your diet? It's this? It's that?
It's just the way that my skin works. Apparently it's quite common in mixed race babies. Liv has perfect flawless skin. Uh, so she can't when she goes, Oh my God, I've got this pimple. I'm like, I wish I had pimples like that. I wish. I had spots like that. Cause I get like really deep acne based ones. I had it all over my back.
My back is covered in scars. I've got scarring on my face. You know, when you're a teenager you're awkward already and you already have bad hormones and ode break out and spots and, and was called names and stuff. Not some of the worst stuff I've ever been called, but. It makes you very self-conscious and shy because you look at TV and movies, everyone's got beautiful flawless skin.
And even now with these lightings, I've got some pretty bad spots and I have done the best I can to basically disappear them by blasting them with white and just airbrushing the fuck out of my face. On the same day, vain. I have a bit of a problem with raw physical strength. I have a real thing about. Uh, people gonna see me as physically weak fucking hell.
This is unnerving to talk about. Apparently Liv says, I constantly ask her, like, are you worried that I'm too weak? Or are you worried that I'm strong? Or I get really pissed off if I go to the gym and I can't do something, like if I do a deadlift and. Or whatever. And my previous record was this, and then I can't beat it, or I can't do the same.
I get really pissed. I'll get really angry. I'm like people are going to see me as weak. They're going to see me as, um, pathetic and, you know, I suppose that ties down to not gonna see me as a man. They're not going to see me as a productive member of society. All of that kind of shit. They're worried. I'm worried that I won't be able to look after live all of that kind of bullshit.
So those are two very. Physical things that I worry about every single day to the point where every single time I have to turn on the camera, I think I'm basically gonna have a gun. Beautiful glass lens staring at my face, and people are going to look at me and go, man, that 33 year old dude has got real bad skin, or they're going to see me standing up working out and go, man, that guy looks like a real weakling and that's a fear that plays around in my head, ultimately that boils down to the fear of being disliked.
Okay. So that's the first anxiety that I have, as I mentioned, I believe anxiety is a catch-all phrase that people use when it's boiled down to I'm worried about. The consequences of what people will think based on my actions. So I have to get over that. The second one, as I mentioned is not being taken seriously.
I don't mind fucking up and people kind of saying Mike's done a bad job there. I don't mind people getting angry at me. I don't mind people commenting on videos like this saying, you're talking out your ass is absolute shit. Is his disgrace. How, Oh my God, can you possibly believe that this guy would save, you know, trauma doesn't exist or he believes in teleology or whatever.
And. I can deal with all of that. I can deal with anger. I can deal with rage. I can deal with all of this kind of stuff. I have people send me all kinds of things. I can even deal with people being straight up racist or straight up bigoted. Only the other day. I had someone say, I need to have a refund because, um, you've mentioned evolutions a couple of times and you I've sworn quite a bit.
And that kind of offends me and goes against my beliefs. So I'm going to need a full refund. I'm like, yeah. Fine, even that I can deal with. The one thing that I deep down panic about is people not taking me seriously. And this was something I had a real problem with as a kid, I'd be like, you guys should take me seriously because I've got good ideas and good thoughts.
And that obviously is its own kind of bullshit going around. But. The fear of someone saying, yeah, Mike's a nice guy, but you know, no one's going to take him seriously. You know, like he's, he's a bit of a joke. Um, I suppose being laughed at and being made fun of is, is probably kind of similar boundaries.
And that's another thing that I really struggle with, which again, is kind of interesting because a huge part of my persona is kind of taking the Mick out of myself and especially the marketing agency and each other, you know, my brother and I are relentless with what we call each other. But it's interesting that the number one.
Internal psychological thing that I have would be, uh, people going to take me seriously. If I do all this, are people going to still be condescending to me or say, you know, and he's trying hard, the kids try and really hard. So that's something I really have to deal with. Again, I can deal with anger. I can deal with hate.
I can deal with pure vitriol, but I read condescending tones into. Comments. So if someone was to say, I think someone, the other day said, I mentioned something about YouTube and he went, you know what? I wouldn't worry about that. I would just focus on the thumbnail and I was like, listen, here you fuck. I wasn't fucking worried about it.
You miserable shit. Who the fuck are you to tell me? I was worried about this. And I was like, Mike, just chill the fuck out. It was one line. The guy wasn't talking down to you, he wasn't being condescending. It was probably a throw away comment. And he just says that all the time. Like, I wouldn't worry about it.
I say that all the time, but it was interesting how I read into it. This guy, obviously isn't taking me seriously. He doesn't think that I know what I'm talking about. That's the thing I have to deal with a lot and kind of overcome and almost ignore and go. Do you know what it's made up? Ultimately, if no one takes me seriously, that's fine.
I still know that, you know, I'm living. The life that I believe I should a good life. I'm a, I believe I'm a good person. I do good things. So even if someone doesn't take me seriously, it kind of doesn't matter. It's a big question to ask, but what are your biggest fears? What are the things that you worry about?
What are your anxieties that you have in your day-to-day life? What prevents you from taking action? See, I believe that we have the term anxiety to prevent us from doing something else, because we're worried about what people will think about that end result. Everything from social anxiety to internal anxiety, relationship-based anxiety, work-based anxiety, all of this kind of stuff, I think is.
Kind of saying that this is the problem when actually that's just a symptom and the problem isn't anxiety, the problem is deep down. We have a fear of what people think about us or how they're going to judge us, uh, or whether they will like us or not. So yeah, if you have anything like that and you're willing to share, I'd love to sit down in the comments below.
Have you heard of teleology? I highly highly recommend checking out, um, Alfred Adler, as well as the book, uh, the courage to be disliked by , which basically talks about how it's the. Opposite of etiology, which is more Freudian psychology based around cause and effect, and teleology is actually a goal-based projection.
So you tend to go after your goals in the meantime, guys, thank you so much for checking this out.
How do you deal with a lack of motivation and why is it that some people might seem like they are motivated 24 hours a day and just seem to smash it out of the park. In this video, I'm going to talk about. Why motivation, isn't the thing that you're searching for why it's definitely not the be all and end all and my personal struggles with being motivated, productive, disciplined, and all that kind of stuff.
So I'm actually not a particularly motivated person. And I want to talk about the specificity of using the word motivation. The number one thing I would hate to ever come across is that what I've got, or what I do is unobtainable or unapproachable. Unachievable, which is funny to me because I see where I am as a tiny little speck on it, like an infinitely large marketplace.
And there is so many people that I look up to who are light years ahead of where I am. But some of the stuff that I might suggest like taking on your first member of staff, writing a book, creating blog, content, doing YouTube videos or whatever, to some people might seem so far removed from what they are comfortable doing or what they're capable of doing that.
It feels like, Oh my God, Mike is so far ahead of where I want to get to. And then I look to people, the Rhine dices of the world, uh, who is like a hundred million dollar company has just started a new one. And I'm like, how would I ever get there? And it occurred to me that I'm not brilliantly motivated.
And the specific definition I want to use of the word motivation is doing something when you want to do something. So if we look at something like this person is extremely motivated and the way this came about this conversation is I think it's a little bit gauche to say that you are motivated that someone is motivated, but perhaps I can see empirically why people would say that about me.
We were having coffee in the garden with a friend. Socially distanced. They said, well, Mike, you're a very motivated, driven person. I don't think everyone can do that. I don't think the stuff you're teaching people is that achievable. And I went, I'm not particularly driven. I'm not massively motivated and live then said, yeah, you are.
You're hugely motivated. You're hugely. Um, Driven. And I was like, well, that's really interesting because one, I don't think I am partly because I'm not where I want to be, which is the measure of drivenness and motivation, which I think is a core component in that we often don't think we're motivated or driven or even disciplined because we're not where we want to be.
We think if I was disciplined and if I was motivated, I'd be where I want to be. And that's actually, that's the big misconception we're going to have to fight. But after having this conversation with a friend, I sat down and I said, well, what, what would you say makes me disciplined and motivated? And I, I also said it and give me another example of someone else.
And the example she pulled up was Ronnie Coleman. Everybody want to be a body builder. Don't nobody want to give no of all things, which is funny because she's this tiny, petite athlete. And she was like, Ronnie Coleman. The six time is six times now, eight time mr. Olympian champion, like he won eight years in a row or something huge bodybuilder.
She would see him as motivated because he just consistently hits the top. Liv mentioned Jo Pavey, who is a UK runner is a really good example of someone who's motivated. Who's had peaks and troughs in her career and come back fighting and then lost it and come back fighting strong and won, and then just got better and then dipped off and off again, um, and was pretty, you know, unnoticed for a while.
And then just skyrocketed 2012 visit. I think she skyrocketed in 2016. She just smashed it again. I think another good example is someone called Matt Fraser, who is what we call a CrossFit CrossFit athlete. Um, who, again, just seems to just put in the work and the characteristics. We bought it down to where they repeatedly demonstrate results.
They repeatedly demonstrate excellence. And I was like, well, obviously that describes me now in all seriousness, I was like, but what else do they do? And I said, well, they're constantly doing something. And I was like, that's it. That's the difference. I'm not motivated because motivation is doing something.
When you want to do something, I would say I'm closer to being disciplined, which is doing something. When you don't want to do something, it's really easy to get pumped up. You go to a webinar, you go to a seminar. You're like, Oh my God, I'm going to smash on with this book. I'm going to create YouTube content.
I'm going to go out and then create a podcast, going to create a hundred million dollar business. Yeah. Even if you think, actually all I want is a, is a $500,000 turnover business or a 500,000 pound turnover business. That's what I want to get to. That'd be incredible. That's what I'm going to get to.
Let's get to it. And then you wake up the next day and you're like, Oh God, I don't know if I can be bothered to do this. And I think that the, the link, funnily enough, between motivation and discipline is also tied to the Dunning Kruger effect, uh, which is basically how we explain imposter syndrome. When you're motivated, you want to do something.
You wake up and you're like, I'm going to work out. I want to work out. I feel good. I'm looking forward to working out. I love this. I know it's going to hurt. I'm going to crack on with it. I want to create YouTube content. I want to write a book. I want to start this business. I want to continue working on this business.
That's when you want to do something. And for me, that is so sporadic and infrequent that I couldn't possibly rely on it. Because it's not a consistent enough motivator. It's not a consistent enough driving force for me to get the results that I want. I wake up and I think I really cannot be bothered to work out today.
I sit down at my keyboard and think, or put on my headphones and then I really cannot be able to dictate another thousand words or to write another thousand words. I cannot be bothered to open my emails. And the difference is that discipline is doing something when you don't want to do something.
There's that initial peak where you think this is hard work, but I'm really excited about it. Your enthusiasm skyrockets, you think this is what I want to get to. That's the level I want to get to. I'm going to work for it. Day one. Yeah. It's hard work, but I enjoy day two. Yeah. It's hard work, but I enjoy day three.
Like this is kind of hard work and I'm not seeing immediate results. And then it begins to drop off again. Right. And it's actually, like I said, the same with. Theism or perceived knowledge with the Dunning Kruger effect and it begins to drop off into what we call this trough of despair. I would say I spend more time in the trough of despair where I don't see the results.
And I think the work outweighs the benefits. I would say I spend more time there than anywhere else. I would say I do that almost every single day with working out. I don't naturally like to work out. I like it when I've done it, but I wake up and I think I really cannot be bothered to move today. But I know deep down that the results that I want come from a strong routine and a strong routine is best enforced by discipline.
So get up. Put your trainers on, I don't brush my teeth. I maybe have a glass of water. I don't shower any of that. I just get downstairs. I get in the car, drive to the gym and I think I'm just going to put my trainers on. That's all I'm going to do. I go through the motions. I basically fake it and I believe this is where fake it til you make it actually derives from fake it till you make it does not mean pretend like you're a multi-million dollar business owner and give information away as if you are, when you're actually not.
Until you become one. I don't think that's true. I think fake it till you make, it means fake going to the gym until you realize as shit I'm at the gym. Now I'm gonna have to do some work. You know, I don't even know what to do. The work fine. All you're going to do is get your weights out. That's all you're going to do.
Or are you going to do is get the box out or are you going to do is get the rope out. Same with writing. I really can't be bothered. Don't worry about it. We're just going to set up the lights. That's all you're going to do is set up the lights like today. This video is technically the first video that I've done with my new lighting system.
And I was like, I don't know how it's going to work. I've got reflections in the backboard that I've had to cover up and it's awkward. It gets hot in here. So now I've learned I have to open up the blind and it's difficult, but I'm like just set the lights, just set up the camera, fake it, fake that you're going to do this.
And then I sat down and started talking exact same when writing. And this is what a lot of the big guys say, the guys who have really achieved results through discipline say they basically take it one tiny iota at a time, one tiny step at a time. And they say, Uh, today, uh, just got some weights. So I'm just going to put on my trainers.
I'm just going to get to the gym. They don't want to do it every single time. They don't want to do it every single day. And it's pushing past that trough of despair. And it's knowing that right now. No, you're not going to see the results saving money today. You're not going to save the, see the results.
You're only going to see the results in 10, 20, 30 years time. If you save money regularly, you're not going to see the results working out everyday, immediately. You're not even going to see them in six months. You'll see a bit of a difference, but not in six months. Following your passion, like going after the thing that you want to go for, if you realize, do you know what I love doing, working with cat owners, more than anything, I'm not even that interested in running a marketing agency.
I just love working with cat owners. Then start finding cat owners and stuff, having a conversation with them. No, you're not going to find results immediately. No, you're not going to see results maybe even in six months, but eventually the results you do see. Will be greater than any of the con the initial efforts that you put in.
I talk about this in my book, universe fuel, or I say eventually the universe will give you and put back more onto you than you're initially putting in. And that comes through routine. And that comes from discipline. Motivation is flaky. And it's even a warning to me now. I'm like, I really want to do this.
And I think, why do I really want to do this? Is this the thing I should be doing? Or should I be focusing on the thing that I need to be disciplined on? Do I need to do the results-based stuff first? Um, and there's tons of other stuff we can talk about around that. What's the number one thing you focus on with discipline and motivation.
Let me know below what's the one routine and routine is another thing like that kind of comes into it. What's a routine or a habit habits. Another thing is like all big trendy buzzwords at the moment. What do you put in your day, in your week, in your month? What's the set routine, you know, that.
Discipline you think I don't even want to do this, but I'm going to trick my body into moving my hands across the keys and typing out nonsense. And then eventually just typing a stream of consciousness. And then eventually I'm just going to type a hundred words and then I'm just going to do a thousand words.
And before, you know, you've done two hours of solid writing and you're done. You're good to go. I don't know what I'm going to say in front of YouTube. I don't know what I'm going to talk about. I'm just going to sit down and hit record and have a stream of consciousness and then just edit out the good parts, but I'm going to do it.
Every single day. And that's a massive part of this. Um, we've got a saying a cellular service, which is if you're not going to do something a thousand times don't bother doing it once. I'd love to hear the routines, the disciplines, the habits that you've got. Let me know down in the comments below
So I hope you enjoyed that guys. Thank you so much for hanging out with me for a little bit of time here. Talking about anxiety, motivation, discipline, and all that good stuff in between. Make sure to send me an email to Michael at sell your service dot code at UK. To let me know. Uh, if this podcast episode was useful.
We'll probably do a mix of uploading previous audios and previous YouTube calls as well as fresh content. But thank you so much for hanging out with me i will see you on the next episode have courage commit and take action