In this episode we're talking about how to deal with angry customers or people sending you negative emails and negative comments. Transcript below.

People who say you’re something you’re not
People angry at you or who say hurtful comments
Unsolicited or negative feedback
Just plain wrong information

How to deal with it
How to respond
What to focus on

Don’t respond at all
Put the phone down or laptop and walk away
You’ll feel angry because you want to show them you’re right and they’re wrong

Facts don’t sell and facts don’t change opinions
You want to respond with logic, reason and rationale - it doesn’t work that way

Here’s what I do

  1. Walk away and get some distance
  2. Don’t reply when I’m angry or “passionate”
  3. You can’t impose your will on people
    1. To change their opinion is fruitless
    2. Even if they’re wrong, they’ve already decided what they believe
  4. Ask yourself “what is their goal?”
    1. Not for excuses but you are the channel
    2. I was the channel
  5. Find something ANYTHING to agree on
    1. It’s not what they say, it’s what it implies
    2. They way that they said it
    3. Or if the fact is used against you
  6. Personal attacks, incorrect information, assumptions and opinions are none of your business
    1. They are about THEM, not you
  7. Ask an calibrated open question
    1. How am I supposed to do that?
    2. What do you say I could do to do that?
    3. I.e. How do you suggest I make money but rethink my course idea?

 

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Dealing

Michael: Hey there, funnel builders. Welcome to another episode of the sell yourself. This podcast. This is going to be a bit of a interesting episode today. Probably seen from the title we are talking about how to deal with angry customers or people sending you negative emails and negative comments. It's a difficult one because frankly, I want to preface this by saying that.

[00:00:25] My email, my YouTube comments, my Facebook comments, the correspondence that I have with people, 99.9% of the time is positive and constructive and it's collaborative. So this is not at all a representation of what happens in the majority of my email inbox. However, every single one of us has to deal with negativity at some point.

[00:00:51] And I don't even mean broad negativity. I mean, Literally seems to be directed at you. And I've got a few stories myself. I think everyone has stories about this and I've had to. Kind of create a couple of coping mechanisms makes it sound like I'm having to sort of like shoulder it, but a couple of systems to be able to help me deal with this kind of, and in some cases they are attacks, you know, sometimes they're just hurtful comments, maybe they're unsolicited or negative feedback, or sometimes it's just plain wrong information.

[00:01:22] And the, um, the, the reality is it's easy for someone to say, just ignore it, just walk away from it. And that is partially true. I think sometimes it is a case of doing that, but it's also a case of understanding the framework that you can use to respond to it. And if you feel the need to respond to it, and sometimes you won't and funnily enough, after I go through kind of four of the five steps that I've got, or six steps or so I'm kind of like, yeah, you know what?

[00:01:52] I don't need to respond. So if you create content. If you create products, if you create services, if you put yourself out there by definition, at some point you will attract negative feedback, angry comments, um, you know, hurtful things. And yeah, like I said, it's easy for me to say, Oh, just ignore it. And on the surface, I think a lot of people go, Oh, Mike is fine with it.

[00:02:17] He just kind of just rolls off and he just ignores it. And the reality is every once in a while, I do get emails that do upset me. You know, they kind of hurt me and I kind of think, well, what the hell did I do to deserve that? And. That's when it becomes emotionally charged. Um, and another way of putting it is you become very passionate about it.

[00:02:37] You know, you go, right. Well, I'm going to correct them. I'm going to, I'm going to show them. What's what some people have this habit of seeing a video on YouTube and they can't help, but comment something on it. And there's an interesting dynamic, which we'll talk about, which is actually in a funny way.

[00:02:52] You've got to think of it as you instigated the hurtful attack, but we'll talk about this. I'm going to use a CA I'm going to use a real life kind of example, yesterday. So at the time of recording, Uh, we're about to go into a second lockdown here in the UK. This is in, uh, late October, early November of 2020, and I received three emails, very, very similar in nature.

[00:03:15] And I'm just going to read a couple of extracts, um, from one of them, uh, I respect you guys very much. I've learned a lot from you, but to market a $1,500 course is completely missing your market by the mile. Um, those that have got that kind of money spared do not need your expensive course. Um, I've been following your content religiously and now your.

[00:03:37] Withholding information, uh, just to sell me an exclusive course. Um, whereas it here, it breaks my heart that I believed that you are sharing all your business secrets with us. Um, you've repeated that many times in your videos. I now get to realize this is not true. You're holding certain knowledge back, sadly I'm broken and depressed that once again, some information is only available for those that can afford it.

[00:03:59] Uh, blah, blah, blah miles. Beckler is also doing the same thing. Um, and now you're trying to sell us an expensive package, uh, rethink the idea. Most of us that follow your videos religiously cannot afford this package. And it makes us doubt your honesty. Now I read that and I was, and also it was, I was very disappointed.

[00:04:17] Now I actually had a few of these emails and. I'll talk through the process, because like I said, if you put anything out there, of course it will attract negative attention. Right. The reality is that the tens of thousands of dollars that this particular campaign made us. I kind of think, yeah, fuck it. I can deal with three negative emails.

[00:04:38] But that's not to say that you're already, you know, weak, I don't know, in, in a different place, you know, you're already struggling perhaps with something and then someone comes along and then another person and then another person. And sometimes it can just get a bit much. Sometimes you just think, you know what, dude, you were the last fucking person to send me this type of email and I'm going, am I going to let you have it?

[00:05:01] I have, and I get this all the time previous to this, it was someone lecturing me on how I shouldn't use recorded webinars. And I was like, thank you so much. Like I said, The reality, 99% of the email conversations I have are incredibly positive and cooperative, but that's not to say that this type of content doesn't affect you.

[00:05:21] That's not to say that you'll read something like that. A negative review, someone will say something completely unwarranted or stupid or sometimes, and we've all seen it. You'll really YouTube comment or a podcast comment or a blog comment. And you'll be like, what the hell is that got to do with anything?

[00:05:35] Like one person was like, Mike, you need to get your chair fixed. I was like, what the hell is that got to do with anything? My, my chair's perfectly coming and you kind of want to be like, what the fuck are you talking about? And any time you become emotionally charged with that, that's what I want to talk about today.

[00:05:50] How to deal with it, how to respond, what to focus on. I want to talk about this process that I've developed. And I use this probably a couple of times a week, maybe once a week. I think very easy for us to get caught up in the negative stuff. As I mentioned, we had a bunch of people buy this, so it's not like I'm going to actually take on board that I think the thing in this particular example is all three of the people that emailed me and they were all about the price.

[00:06:18] I've been conversing with them and having email conversations with them for a while now. And I kind of felt a bit hurt that someone would go out of their way to email me such negativity and to go out of their way and just basically have a go at me. When I've already put time and effort into frankly, you know, developing a bit of a relationship, not a deep relationship by any means, but still a relationship and immediately you want, and I don't know how you feel, but I want to respond and say, and I want to address every single point and tell them why they wrong.

[00:06:53] This is a phenomena called exertion of will, as in willpower. When someone is incorrect, we interpret that as, um, uh, an attack on us, basically. It's why things like voting are so charged because in actual fact, the vote itself doesn't matter. It's the fact that someone doesn't agree with you and someone will say, well, this particular politician said this, and it sounds like an attack on you.

[00:07:24] And that. Can become very emotionally charged very quickly. And a lot of people as well, tend to like, try to go too into that kind of stuff. I'm going to take you through my process of what I do when I, how I respond or if at all, or certainly how I deal with something like that. So the first thing I do step number one, walk away and get some distance.

[00:07:49] I physically put the phone down or the laptop down and I walk away. I only check my emails once a day. And if the first email I read is like that, I go, cool. We're done for the next half an hour and I'll put the phone down and I will put my head hands up and walk away and say to live. I need to not look at my emails or what everything anymore, because I just, I just didn't need to read that.

[00:08:11] I don't need to read that. I'll deal with that right now. And I get some distance, both in terms of time and physical location. I actually go and do something else. This immediately begins to wind down the reaction, stepping away from that immediately winds down the reaction. And frankly, it's the same in a, in a, uh, physical, physical sense of if I'm physically arguing with someone now, um, I walk away, uh, and there's a ton of things that people who are arguing with, they go, Oh, you're going to walk away.

[00:08:42] And I go, yep. Because I need to do that then personally, I think everyone would be better if they just walked away from emails first and then came back to them later. I tell myself, I promise I will let you respond to this email or to this comment or to this phone call in kind in time. I promise you I will do that.

[00:09:04] But right now we're just going to go get some distance. And this is based around the number one rule that I learned very early on in businesses. Never, ever reply when you're angry, it's basically never make a decision when you're emotionally charged. Uh, my stepfather, Chris, he used to say, never make a decision when you're passionate about it.

[00:09:24] And it sounds really dumb cause you're like, no, you should follow your passion. But he was like, passion works in a multitude of ways. It works in a love or lust scenario. It works in a desire scenario. It works in a wanting scenario. It also works in an. Angry scenario. There was a time when, um, I was taken to court.

[00:09:42] The company was claiming that it was a customer, you know, I'd done some design website, design work for them, and they were claiming a misrepresentation and they sent some pretty aggressive emails. And I remember I would not respond immediately because I'd become emotionally charged and angry. And my mentor at the time, a guy called Steve.

[00:10:01] He said, let's just give it a second. And he was like, I honestly understand that you want to respond angrily. Right. But just give it some time. Same with my stepfather. He was very, very good. He worked as a, he worked in banking, uh, like public facing banking. Um, and he was constantly dealing with very angry people and he would always go, okay, great.

[00:10:23] Thank you so much. And he would let people have a go at and me yell at him. You go great. Thank you so much. I'm going to come back to you tomorrow. And he was like, he doesn't even respond in person there. And then you don't owe a response there. And then that's the number one thing to understand you don't owe them a response there.

[00:10:38] And then if they get angry at you for not responding you, if anything take more time, never apply when you're angry, never apply. When you're passionate. So the first thing I do is walk away and get some distance. The second thing is I make sure I never respond when I'm angry or passionate when I'm emotionally charged, when I'm invested in it.

[00:10:58] And this is around this phenomenon called exertion of will. They have stated incorrect facts to you ultimately attacking your character. Your dishonest. Let's have a look at some of the language here, uh, broken and depressed. Apparently that's my fault. So I have caused someone to be broken and depressed.

[00:11:20] Um, holding back knowledge, dishonest, um, lying as well was one of them, uh, um, uh, going back on my word and also giving plain incorrect information, you know, um, you've repeated many times your videos. You'll share all your business secrets with us. I'm like, well, I probably have said that, but not for free.

[00:11:43] And I guarantee you, I've never said that for free again, you can see them, you can hear I'm getting emotionally charged into it. Right? This is called exertion of will because I've been presented with a series of facts are presented with a series of apples and someone has called them oranges and say to them, these aren't right.

[00:12:02] Suppose these are oranges. You've said you've given me five apples. You've actually given me five oranges. It's the, I now want to exert my will on them. It's the same when your pet disobeys you and probably even your children when they kind of act up and you want them to behave, that is exertion of will because someone is directly going against what you know, to be true, what you believe, what you want.

[00:12:28] Someone wants to told me that anger stems from people, uh, Not acting the way that you expect them to that's the root of all anger? Uh, I think it's, there's, there's another layer to it and maybe we'll touch on that, but any kind of information that comes along. If you feel the need to respond to it, it's probably because something has been presented to you, which is either factually incorrect or incorrect about you and potentially wrong about a belief as well.

[00:12:57] But I actually personally believe in a funny way, we're able to deal with that easier. Here's the third thing you've got to remember. You cannot impose your will on people. You cannot exert your will on people. At all, it just doesn't work. Think about the boss who, all your manager, we've all had them, your manager who has a, what they think is a really great idea.

[00:13:19] And you think it's a really shit idea. And you said, you think, well, it's not going to work when they tell you, no, you're going to do this. That is them exerting their will on you. Do you do it? Yes. But that is the difference between consent and cooperation. You've given consent compared to cooperation, you've said fine.

[00:13:40] I'll do it. I still think you're a moron. Uh, you can exert your will on me, but I'm not happy about it. And eventually, usually people snap that's actually what kind of degrades morale over time. So you can't impose your will on people. To try and change people's opinion is fruitless. A lot of us think that we're very good at arguing.

[00:14:03] Um, a lot of it seems to be this kind of bizarre thing that people say Jamar, I'm very good at arguing. Um, being really strong and certain in your own opinions is not good at arguing. Right. And. Responding via email or via text or via, um, like YouTube comments is not a good way to try and change someone's opinion because ultimately you can't change someone's opinion only they can change their opinion.

[00:14:32] And even if they're already sorry, even if they're wrong. Even if you have got overwhelming evidence that they are wrong, they have already Deedee already decided what they believe. And this is critical to understand. There's a big difference between someone communicating with you and saying, Can you explain or a little bit more about why you cost this much or how I would work with you or, you know, um, is there another way for us to be able to work out the price or is there another way for us to be able to work this out or have you tried another tool that's very different compared to you are wrong.

[00:15:12] You are a dishonest person. I can't believe you've done this. There's a big difference between them. One of them. W is, is searching for cooperation. One of them, someone has already did. They already decided that they want to be angry. And that's the funny thing about anger is they have already decided that they want to be angry.

[00:15:32] They have already decided that they want to be let down by you. And this is so important to understand the person who comments, the person who. Gives feedback and Evert comments, the person who emails or even calls, or has the argument with you has already all ready, decided that they want to be angry with you.

[00:15:56] And you've already decided that they want to be angry in general. And they're using you as the catalyst. So for you to try and change their opinion is essentially saying you're going to change how they feel. And feelings are a funny thing. On the one hand, people say I'm broken and depressed that once again, you know, whatever, or you've made me angry or this video makes me angry or your, your content makes me angry.

[00:16:22] I'm like, okay. So I'm in charge of your feelings in that respect. Am I? But when I say to you, don't worry about it and be happy. You say you don't control my feelings. You know, people who are unable to control their emotions will try and change other people's actions. Okay. So the people who emailed me yesterday are unable to control their emotions about how much I charge for my course.

[00:16:44] They are unable to, um, control their emotions about what they see someone else doing. So they try to change that person's actions. You cannot respond in the same way. You can not think, well, I'm angry. So I'm going to change their opinion, which is essentially trying to change their actions. You can't do it.

[00:17:04] You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, you're not responsible for how they feel. You're not responsible for how they think, how they act, how they behave. It's got nothing to do with you. So trying to change someone's opinion by writing back an email is, is beyond fruitless. And this is the funny paradox about exertion of will.

[00:17:27] You might see it as this person has completely out of the blue. Emailed me to say. You know, incorrect things about my character. They've said that intelligent or I'm stupid, or I shouldn't be doing this or I'm cheating, or I'm asking damn, you know, I get that all the time. At some point you will get that, you know, and you think this person has emailed me out of the blue.

[00:17:51] And you think that that is the catalyst because that then makes you feel angry. So you want to exert your will over them. You become passionate and you want to respond. I'm not saying you have responded, but you want to respond. The thing you have to understand is actually it happened a stage ago when they interacted with your content or saw the thing that you had created a sales page, a video, a blog poster pitch, a presentation, just being there, you know, being a human being, being in public and being seen invisible.

[00:18:25] As far as they were concerned, that was you exerting your will and they had to respond to it. So you think the email comes out of the blue, but it doesn't, there is an instigator beforehand. Now I'm not saying that you're to blame at all, but I'm saying that they are actually responding to you. It is not out of the blue.

[00:18:46] It wasn't born in a vacuum. They are responding to something you did. You were the one who actually started it whenever we get an email like this. Um, I don't know if you've ever responded to something like that and had to go back at people or even tried to be constructive. There's nothing more infuriating than when you are ignored.

[00:19:13] I did this recently, someone said to me, Uh, geez. I can't even remember now. Uh, it was an email basically saying, you know, where's your evidence, where's your proof. And I was like, great, here's my evidence. Here's my proof. And I sent them, um, previous proposals. I sent them previous invoices. I send them links.

[00:19:31] I sent them case studies. I sent all of this stuff and they never responded. Now. That is excrutiatingly annoying to me. Girls, like they didn't even respond to say, Oh, you're right now, regardless of whether I was or wasn't right. That's irrelevant. The fact they didn't get back to me. They see these people who are angry to you, responding to you.

[00:19:53] It's not coming out of the blue. You have to understand that this is a response to something. It is a reaction. We even say stop being so reactive. You know, you're reacting emotionally, and that's what they've done. It hasn't come out of the blue. They have seen something already. Now chances are, they've decided that they want to be angry years in advance.

[00:20:14] And I mean, years in advance and they look for things that make them yeah. They look for things that solidify their worldview and their identity. In this particular case, this person is obviously. Entitled. Like they feel they're entitled to stuff for free, but they also are looking for reasons to be disappointed in people.

[00:20:36] They follow. They're actually looking for reasons to be disappointed. And so therefore, when my content comes along, they go, Oh, I can be disappointed in this so I can show disappointment. Then they react. You are not reacting to them. When they've sent emails, they're actually reacting to you way before. So you have to understand that you're not playing on a level playing that they haven't sent you something and you've got to send them something to one up them they've responded to you already.

[00:21:05] And even if they are wrong with what they have sent or responded to, they have already decided that they are right. So that was step number three, right? You can't impose your will on people. And this is all the stuff that I remind myself of step number four, and this is the most powerful one. And typically this is where my anger dissipates.

[00:21:25] Now, before this, I might go for a drive. I might have a conversation with leave and I might talk it out and, you know, Vent a little bit. That's fine. No one likes a broken record player, right? No one likes what's called a bad beat, you know, and just kind of drone on and on and on about how awful it was.

[00:21:41] But sometimes it can be helpful to get it out in the open, but point number four, this is bearing in mind. One, two, and three can happen quite quickly. Point number four is where you'll need some reflection. This is ask yourself, what is their goal? What is their goal. If someone is immediately angry to me in the street, I'll ask myself, what is their goal?

[00:22:06] Chances are, if they are, if they are demonstrating anger, it is to impose or exert will power over someone to exert their will over someone. And I have to work backwards and go what's the goal. The goal is to exert their will over me. This is not, uh, giving them an excuse at all. And it's also not saying like the whole kind of bullshit, like, ah, they had a difficult life, so we've got to love them bullshit.

[00:22:34] Everyone's in charge of their own, um, uh, decisions. But you have to understand that you are a channel. If I create a hundred pieces of content a year, that is a hundred X, a hundred times. The likelihood and the amount of people who will get in contact with me by definition, it is opening up the channel 10% is going to be positive.

[00:23:02] 80% is going to be apathetic and 10% is going to be negative. So by definition, I am opening up my likelihood of receiving this kind of content and this kind of, and the same with yourself. You are, this is you are increasing the likelihood. I have a very open email address. Michael is sell cellular service.co.uk.

[00:23:21] I won't respond to you immediately as we've talked about, but, but I, but I will respond at some point

[00:23:29] that opens me up to this type of criticism. Fine. I am the channel. If their goal is to exert their will over people, they will look for the easiest channels to do so. You know, when people say, are you just lash out at the people closest to you? Well, yeah, because how the hell you can't lash out at people 20 miles away.

[00:23:53] Can you, of course, you're going to lash out at the people closest to you. If we feel, I w I used to tell my mum this all the time. She was a very, very calm person. But as a teacher, she'd have to deal with, you know, fucking idiot parents. Like I said, you deal with as many lovely people. If not more lovely people, you deal with more than anything, you deal with people who are apathetic and don't really care either way.

[00:24:18] And it's a small fraction of, of negativity you deal with. But is it any time like a guy is angry at you or is pissed off it's chances are it's because he's got a rectal dysfunction, right? He's not able to perform in the bed anymore. That's why they get pissed off. And it sounds like crass, it might sound trite, but I can assure you that someone who has got a rough home life and is pissed off and, uh, is sick and tired of they, they haven't got all the things that they want and they deserve is going to find a reason to take it out on somebody else.

[00:24:52] And the problem with the internet and email and social media is now that outlook can be completely anonymous. But you have to think what's the goal. People either wants to be. Pleasantly surprised and positive, or they want to be angry. There's obviously tons of there's loads of different things that people want to be.

[00:25:13] But broad strokes. If someone wants to be positive, they'll look for positivity. If someone wants to be angry, they'll, they'll find reasons to be angry. If someone wants to be depressed, they'll find reasons to be depressed. Now this might sound cold and callous, you know, and I have certainly been called that in the past, but I actually think it's liberating.

[00:25:32] I think it's liberating for people to say. I am constantly having things happen to me. I am victim. Therefore I know. Well, I will look for reasons to be a victim. I will look for reasons to be, uh, you know, downtrodden or whatever, and the reason they want to say that is because it may be makes for an easier life for them.

[00:25:52] Maybe they think it's virtuous to struggle or whatever. And someone who is angry or is looking to be disappointed, will look for reasons to be disappointed. And then you are the channel through which they push that through. You become the channel for them to easily find a reason to become depressed.

[00:26:11] Find a reason to become angry, find a reason to become broken or sad. They want to feel an emotion. So they will find reasons to justify that emotion. You're not in charge of that. It's got nothing to do with you. You are simply the channel. So when I asked myself, what's the goal that usually calms me down.

[00:26:33] Cause I'll say, you know, and YouTube comments don't really count because it's just such a nonsense. And I said, like I said, 90% of them are positive. Someone says something negative. I'm like, what's their goal? I'm like, well, chances are, they've been burned before. Chances are, they don't want to be, um, successful or they don't really want to work hard for something.

[00:26:55] And they want something for free. They feel entitled. So therefore they'll say something that shows that they're entitled to it. And when you think of it like that, you're like, well, that makes sense. People tend to have the things they want, whether they like, whether they say they like it or not. If the world is constantly conspiring against you, chances are, you are looking for the world to constantly conspire against you.

[00:27:18] If the world is constantly letting you down, chances are, you are looking for ways for it to let you down. So I'll ask myself, what is their goal? And in the past few days, that particular case was exert their will over me. Um, you know, to, to, uh, find more reasons to be depressed or angry. I go, okay, cool.

[00:27:41] Well, that's got nothing to me. That's the go

[00:27:47] it's because one person can look at, if we take my sales page, for example, $1,500, one person will look at that and go, Oh my God, what a great opportunity. 1500 bucks to learn from Mike. Fantastic. I'm in and someone else would go that's disgraceful. I can't believe you'd would want to charge that much.

[00:28:01] That's awful.

[00:28:06] So that's the fourth point. Ask yourself, what is their goal? Number five. And this is very difficult for people to do, but it's actually one of the easiest things is find something, anything to agree on. And the reason this is difficult to do is because we feel like it's agreeing with their argument and it's not, you want to find a fact or something within what they have said to agree on.

[00:28:34] And it's an incredibly, it's a fascinating, um, Experiment. If you ever get the chance, if someone is ever angry with you or pissed off, and they say, I can't believe that you just, you drop this soup all over me or whatever it is. I don't know why you're a waiter in this example, all of a sudden, and in this case it was like, Oh, but you've got a $1,500 course.

[00:28:52] I have to find something to agree on. I go, yeah, my course is $1,500.

[00:28:59] The, the reason we don't like to find something to agree on is because. It's not what they say. It's what they imply. You know, it's not what they've said. It's the way they've said it. They've used that as a fact against you. Yes, it is true. The course is $1,500. Yes. You've dropped some soup over them. Yes.

[00:29:19] You are more expensive. You go. Yeah, we are. I agree. And immediately what's interesting. Is it dissipates? It, it also, first of all, dissipates your attachment to that, to the comment or to the content you go. Well, yeah, factually that is correct. Now whether they're saying, well, it's $1,500, that's disgraceful that you were charged so much because you know that it's so subjective.

[00:29:43] Other people are going $1,500. That's great. What a great price, but you're agreeing on it. It's useless to deny that because it's true. You're not agreeing with the whole sentiment. You're not agreeing with the entire argument. You're not agreeing with the F the, the incorrect facts or information. What you're doing is you're finding one thing to agree on.

[00:30:05] And if you do feel the need to respond either verbally or written text, Finding something to agree on first completely changes the nature of the conversation. I would say hi there. Yep. I completely agree. My course is 1500.

[00:30:25] And just try it the next time. Someone's arguing with you find something to agree on. Even if it's like, you don't know what you're talking about, you go, yeah, you could be right. I probably don't know what I'm talking about and it immediately dissipates their anger.

[00:30:44] Point number. So that's point number five, find something, anything to agree on, even if it's one small point. Number six personal attacks, incorrect information, assumptions, and opinions. All about you are none of your business. This sounds insane. I know, but other people's opinion of you, none of your business, other people's incorrect information about you is none of your business.

[00:31:11] This is very difficult for people to understand. This is very difficult. This is the final piece that is very difficult for people to get their head around. If someone says, for example, this person's called me dishonest. Uh, you know, Sarah I've broken them and I've made them depressed. They have already decided that everything they feel about you has got nothing to do with you.

[00:31:33] It's about them. The incorrect information, the personal attacks, the assumptions, the opinions, all of that is about them. You might have heard this before that anyone who says you can't do that is actually saying I can't do that. We take the guy who gave me some information about the webinar. I said, look in my experience, you know, live webinars, work best.

[00:31:56] I don't think you'll have much success with a recorded webinar. You have to, and it's difficult. I'm not saying it's easy. Look at that. Like I said, I walked away. I didn't reply. Uh, I knew I couldn't impose my will on someone. I asked myself, what's the goal. Maybe this guy had like a really shit day at work or really shit customer.

[00:32:13] So he felt the need to tell me something. He had someone exert will on him. So he's now having to exert will on me. That's another interesting point to understand itself often linear, you know, uh, if someone has a really shit day with a customer, they will find a reason to take out on someone else. So, you know, he's exerting well on me, the goal is to exert well on me and I agree.

[00:32:35] I agree with him that yeah, live webinars are probably better. Great. But all of that incorrect information is him saying, I don't think I could do that, or I haven't found a way to do that. Someone saying here who perhaps is even agreeing with his idea? I couldn't charge $1,500 for a course. I couldn't do that.

[00:32:58] Someone goes, this is, this is ludicrous. You can't, you can't, you can't charge 25 grand for a marketing funnel. No. What you're saying is you can't charge 25 grand for a marketing funnel. You couldn't do that. And you have to understand that the personal attacks, the incorrect information, the assumptions, the opinions, they're none of your business, because they're not about you.

[00:33:18] They are about them. Someone here is saying, um, uh, Most of us that follow your Villa, follow your videos. Religiously can not afford this package. And it makes us doubt your honesty. That's not him saying that I am dishonest. That's what the language says. But what it says is he doesn't feel that he could ever charge that kind of money because he feels he would being be dishonest if he charged that kind of money.

[00:33:46] And when you begin to flip it, you begin to look at it in a different perspective and think actually, it's got nothing to do with me. Like I said by about 0.4, which is what the gut, what is the goal? That's when I'm like, I'm not going to respond to this carrying on, by this point. I'm like, it would be pointless for me to respond to it because, and this is, this is the, the, the incorrect thing that people do.

[00:34:11] I could have written a litany of responses to this. Saying, you know, I've got, I've got a cheaper version. It's called the book. I've also got all my blog, posts, videos, podcasts, previous webinars. Um, we've got a payment plan if you can't afford 1500 right there. There's other stuff like when you try to respond with rationale.

[00:34:34] To an emotionally charged thing. It just doesn't work. Emotion wins every time. And we've seen this with children. It's very difficult to respond with right. By say to them, okay, what if I didn't charge 1500? Like, how would I make money? How would I pay my mortgage? How would I save money for my family? How would I pay for the expenses that I've got in my life?

[00:34:52] And also when you say most people can't afford this, I've got evidence to the contrary. But if I was to write every single one of those points back, even as rational responses that is ignored. And we think that the person will read that and go, yeah, maybe I am wrong, but they don't, they don't take those kinds of rationale.

[00:35:15] They don't take those kinds of rationality. And this is what, this is the final point. This is point number seven. If you categorically have to respond, burn a mind, you're under no obligation to. Someone can email that to you. You can go through all those points, realize that that's basically an email or a comment about them.

[00:35:32] Got nothing to do with you. And even if it was to do with you, doesn't matter, it's got to have the courage to be disliked. You know, I have that as my, my core value have the courage to be disliked. Is it worth pissing off one person to help one other person? Is it worth pissing off one person to help a hundred people?

[00:35:52] A thousand people? Yeah. But point number seven. Okay. Is asking, how would you do that then? How am I supposed to do that? It's what they call an open question. Chris Voss in his book, um, never split the difference. Cause a calibrated open question. We used to use this in sales a lot. If someone responds to me said, this is disgraceful.

[00:36:15] Uh, most of you follow your video can not afford this. Rethink the course idea. I love, I love the idea of me going. Yeah, you're right. Actually, I'm kind of bored of paying for my staff, paying for my team, paying for my mortgage, saving money, uh, helping my family out, uh, investing in people, investing in the course, you know, I I'm, I'm kind of sick of that.

[00:36:36] I am going to rethink it and that's funny. They think they have rationale. They think that their points of rationale. And instead if you respond with, how am I supposed to do this? So. How would you think I should re rethink the course idea, find something to agree on. Yeah, I agree. The course is $1,500. How do you think I should rethink the course idea?

[00:37:00] And it's the same with anything with people get pissed off at you, like for any kind of reason, ask them, how am I supposed to do that? How am, how would, how do you think I should do that? Because now they are solving your problem. And immediately, I don't know what the ratio would be. Some of them would go, I don't know.

[00:37:21] That's your problem. You go great. You're obviously pissed off there's I can't take this conversation any further, but what you'll be surprised with, and by the way, if someone does say that to you, shut the fuck up. Don't say anything. Be completely silent. Their brain won't be able to help at work over time because clearly you've come to them for help.

[00:37:41] All right in their mind, they're like, Oh, well, this person's come to me for help. And they won't be able to, and just let it go. I don't know. You sought out. Just stay quiet again. Walk away, get some distance. Time-wise don't reply. Don't respond. You can't impose your will. You can't get them to give you an immediate answer that you want and give them space.

[00:38:00] I promise you at some point, they'll either come back with an answer or they'll walk away from it. So point number seven is ask what they call us. I calibrated open question. How am I supposed to do that? How would you like me to rethink my course idea while still paying for my staff and family and mortgage and bills?

[00:38:26] How would you like me to do that? How would you like me to do that? What was the guy I'd recently? This one really pissed me off. Actually, we're getting, we're getting into it now. Uh, it was a Facebook messenger. Oh, this Oh, this one was like inferior. Frank here is, uh, Did. So I'm literally opening in messenger here.

[00:38:53] Um, can we work around the order and refund process for this product? It was one of my sales and closing training. Can you directly send it to me for free? I only want to match it up with the stuff that I already know about closing. I will not take action and use it. I will not take action and use that.

[00:39:12] So do not worry. How am I supposed to give you to this? For free. How am I, how am I supposed to sell online training, Frank, honestly asking people, how am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to give you this for free? How am I supposed to, um, sell training if I give it away to people for free all the time, ask people that, and I'll promise you they'll start solving your problem for you.

[00:39:45] And it, what it does is it dissipates the emotion. It gets them working on your side. All of a sudden you're on the same side of the table as them now. And now you're not, you don't need to exert your will on people because actually working on something for you. Like I said, if they get angry, straight away, ignore him, be quiet.

[00:40:04] And let them continue. Something else I like to do afterwards is, is continue asking like, okay, is there anything else like, yeah. Is there anything else? God, you know, it's disgraceful, you sell this for this kind of money. Okay, great. Is there anything else? Well, you know, you're being dishonest. Okay. Is there anything else?

[00:40:23] Well, no, I just, okay. So it's two things that you, you felt the need to email me for two things to do. It's important to understand at its core that fundamentally it doesn't matter what people think about. It

[00:40:43] allowed to be wrong. There's people out there who think that every single business owner on the planet is a, um, a bloodsucking capitalist who wants to just lock children up in. Factories and make them work. And yeah, to an extent I do, of course believe that I think child labor laws are ruining our current economy, but there's a lot of people who have got incorrect opinions about us as well.

[00:41:04] My point is that if someone feels the need to react to something that you've done and send you an emotionally charged piece of content or communication, you're under no obligation to respond to it immediately. Give yourself some time, give yourself some space, walk away. Don't reply. When you're passionate, you can't impose your will on people.

[00:41:27] We know that facts don't change opinions, facts don't sell. We know this for a fact. We, during an election, people don't vote logically today. You know that to be true, you want to respond with logic and region rationale and it doesn't work that way. Ask yourself, what is their goal? And find something, anything to agree on and anything that is a personal attack or incorrect information he might go.

[00:41:58] Yeah, but it's about me. It's not, it's not about you. It's about them. It would be the equipment saying, do you know Mike? Killins 12 feet tall. All right. If you want to believe that that's fine. I know I'm not Mike. Killen's dishonest. He makes me sad and depressed and broken because he's dishonesty lies about his business.

[00:42:18] I know I don't. And you go, yeah, I need to change that. Now you don't, what you want to do is exert your will over someone and it doesn't work that way. It's like trying to change the tides. It's got nothing to do with you. It's fruitless. It's got nothing to do with you. And if you physically do have to respond, ask an open calibrated question, how am I supposed to do that?

[00:42:43] What would you suggest I do to change that? And they start working on your solution, start working on problem. And that's what begins to get them onside, even if they won't agree with you. That's how you get them onsite. Guys. Thank you so much. I hope this was useful by all means. Shoot me an email.

[00:42:59] michael@sellyourservice.co.uk. If, if, you know, if you found this podcast useful about dealing with negative feedback or, you know, angry comments or whatever, share this with someone who might help them out sell your service pod.com is where you can get all the show notes. I'll also upload the transcription for this episode to there as well.

[00:43:20] In the meantime, thank you so much for hanging out with me over the last sort of 45 minutes. I will see you on the next episode. Have courage commit and take action.

 

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